Changes
by Redundant Goddess
Summary: In which Reno and Rude get into trouble... of sorts, Elena is shocked and Rufus's vast and colourful wardrobe comes in handy. Rated M for Adult Language, Adult Humour and Severe Crack.


Disclaimer: I own nowt, Square Enix does. End of...

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><p><strong><span>Changes...<span>**

_By The Redundant Goddess..._

As Elena walked into the office that evening, she was greeted by two rather attractive women (or at least they would be if she didn't have her own special lady waiting for her) sat on Rude and Reno's desk. One was a redhead in a deep emerald green strapless dress, the other a tall, dark athletic woman in a sporty black dress. The blonde was about to ask who they were, when the shorter one spoke up.

"Well, this is some seriously fucked up shit right here, yo! How the fuck do women walk in these things any way?"

No. Fucking. Way. So, the voice may have been a little higher, and certainly more feminine, but...

"What the- Re-Reno?" She stuttered. "Rude?"

Both turned to her. Reno shrugged, whilst Rude did his- not wait- her level best not to make eye contact.

It was at that moment Tseng decided to re enter the room.

"Ts-Tseng?" She croaked, finding it hard to disguise her inability to comprehend just what in the hell she had stumbled in upon this time. Because, well, a Turks life was never what some would call dull.

"Elena, I see you have been introduced to our... latest editions to the office." Said Tseng as calm and as collected as ever. It was as if he hadn't just walked into an office where there were two of his subordinates had somehow become... women?

"I know I complained about the Turks being a bit of a boys club, but, I mean, isn't this a bit extreme?" She croaked and -before she could stop herself- gently poked Reno's ample bosom. Her eyes widened to even more extremes. "My god they're real!"

"Quite. However this has very little to do with your qualms over our staffing policies and rather more to do with a certain Turk being unable to heed a simple order- a direct one no less- to not touch anything until it had been deemed safe to do so."

"Hey, it wasn't my fault, yo! How was I supposed to know it was gonna change me into a freaking girl?"

"Um... 'It?'" Asked Elena quietly.

"A rather curious specimen of Materia recovered from a newly discovered lab of the late Professor Hojo."

"That-"

"-Changes the user's sex? Yes, as I said, quite a curious specimen."

"O-kay." Elena murmured to herself, finally feeling she had a handle on the situation. "So, Reno I understand, but Rude?"

Reno flipped her off, and Rude just blushed. Poor Rude, he always had to suffer alongside Reno in anything that they did.

"Unfortunately, Rude, whilst trying to aid his colleague, also came into contact with the aforementioned Materia."

Elena couldn't help but stare. It was so, so weird. She had seen a lot of crazy and kinky stuff in her time with the Turks, but this? This was a new one on her, by a long shot.

"Um...wow."

Rude meanwhile seemed less than impressed with he and his partner's current predicament. Reno patted his arm comfortingly.

"Yeah, I know this fucking sucks partner, but look on the Brightside yo! At least our tits are bigger than El's!"

Elena sent a glare Reno's way, because they really did have bigger breasts than her. Trust those two...Suddenly another thought occurred to her.

"Wait, the Materia just changed their sex's right?"

"Correct." Tseng nodded.

"Then... where did they get the dresses?"

"That would be my kind contribution to this sorry affair." Rufus said casually, as he walked past the office and poked his head through the door.

"Boss!"

The president took a moment to glance at his Turks and smirked, eyes shimmering with perverted glee.

"I must say how wonderful both of you look. That green really brings out your eyes Reno, and Rude! My how delicate you look... Even if you are six foot something or another." He commented dryly.

Reno twisted his head round to stare at his arse, whilst Rude clenched his fists.

"Are you sure boss? 'Coz I think my butt looks way to bug in this, yo."

"I assure you Reno, you look lovely. Now, coffee I think." He said, and walked off.

Elena gulped, feeling slightly sick all of a sudden. She had heard about her boss's cross dressing fetish on the grape vine, but...

"...I'm not even going to ask."

Reno snorted at Elena's current priceless expression and turned back to Tseng.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, you. So, you figure out a way to change us back yet?"

Tseng shook his head.

"Sadly not. Due to other pressing matters, we haven't had time to dig through all of Hojo's vast research. Therefore it may take some considerable time before we have any idea how to change you back or even whether it is indeed at all possible."

"Great." Reno pouted and sighed, before looking up at his companion. "Well, at least we can still enjoy our night off. Hey, I wonder how many men I can pick up like this. Maybe we could have a threesome?"

"I'm afraid all future 'nights off' are out of the question." Tseng cut in.

"What! Why the fuck not?" The Redhead cried.

Tseng ignored his subordinate's reaction and cleared his throat.

"Reno, I know this maybe hard for you to understand, but technically speaking you and your partner are both full functioning women. Therefore, it would be highly irresponsible of us to simply let you loose on an unsuspecting male populace, only to get yourself into trouble."

"Hey, just because we've got vaginas now, don't mean we can't defend ourselves."

At that moment Elena didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She rubbed how brow and sighed.

"No, Reno. He means getting yourself pregnant."

The redhead's eyes widened considerably, as Rude's own eyebrows shot up, both considerably paler.

"Wait, you mean me and Rude could get knocked up?"

"There is indeed a distinct possibility, and if you were to get- as you so aptly put- 'Knocked up', then I should imagine changing you back would be far more complicated than it already is."

"And I'd rather not pay for either of your maternity leaves!" Rufus called from down the hall.

Reno's shoulders slumped in disappointment, as he – no sorry- she stared down at her breasts, glumly.

"Well, shit..." He-sorry- she mumbled. "There go my plans."

Just then, Rude's lips twitched into a smile, and he leant down to and whispered in something into the redhead's ear. Almost immediately Reno's trademark grin reappeared.

"Fuck yeah! Rude you're a genius, you! Why didn't I fucking think of that?"

Elena raised an eyebrow and looked at her superior, only to receive a look just as bewildered as her own.

"Think of what?" She asked.

"No time to explain!" Reno smirked, as she led her friend out of the office. "Me and Rude have some lesbo fun times to be had. Hey, I wonder if I still have that web cam, yo?"

The End.


End file.
